A tale of the three bears

We all remember the tale of Goldilocks and the three bears; well here is what really happened.

Once upon a time there were three bears, Mummy Bear who like c-through wines, Pappa Bear who liked red bigot material and Baby Bear who had a fondness for Sparkling Shiraz. Now that their winter hibernation was over they decided to have a weekend celebration and have an MPU (Massive P**s Up.)

Mummy Bear opened the fridge and took out her favorite bottle Western Australian overpriced c-through Shar-don-ay out of the fridge and popped the cork. It was with great expectations that she took a sip and went “ooh, that’s about 1 degree, it’s much to cold to drink.” She then though, but didn’t say, if I wanted my wine to have the taste muted or decimated by being to cold, we could have gone to our favorite restaurant. The wine would be much better at about 6 degrees.

Papa Bear had raided the cellar a few days earlier and brought out some of his most enjoyable wines and stood them upright just for this occasion. He to was looking forward to enjoying his wine as he opened a favorite wine of his, “Chateau Big Bastard Cult Shiraz.” Ah, the heady aroma was bouncing out the bottle as the cork was extracted (praise the Lord; it was not corked.) Papa Bear took one sip and went “ohmygord, that’s so volatile and disjointed it must be the same temperature as the house, 28 degrees, far to hot to drink.” It would be best at about 18-20 degrees.

Baby bear was in real trouble, her dad had forgotten to cool down her bottle of Fizzy Red S**t. Luckily though, it had been stored in a reasonably cool spot in the house and was about 18 degrees, but far to hot to drink. It would be best at 10 degrees.

So much for having a celebratory drink, it was going to have to wait till the wines were ready, but how to fix the problem. Mama Bears c-through was easy; leave it on the kitchen counter for awhile. Baby bears FRS was also hardly a challenge, place it in the freezer. Papa bear’s wine had two options. Place it in the fridge or use this gadget.

He decided on the gadget.

The wines were going to need about an hour to reach the correct temperature so they decided to go for a walk to their favorite bottle shop and have a browse. As the Bear Family lived in the woods and being trusting souls, they left their house unlocked. Whilst they were out, a local soak by the name of Goldilocks who was known to drink anything came into the house. Goldilocks spotted the c-through and red bigot wine on the bench and made a beeline for them. Within half an hour they were gone and Goldilocks was as pi**ed as a newt and had passed out on the Bears matrimonial bed.

Some time later the Bear family returned from the bottl’o with a case of wine they couldn’t resist buying because the price was so good (sound familiar?) and were rather put out to find the wines they left on the counter had vanished. A quick search of the house found the culprit and Papa not being a happy little vegemite over the situation woke Goldilocks up, placed his size fifteen shoe into her behind and gave her a not so gentle push out the door.

So, now they had a problem, but Papa Bear “being smarter than the avaarridge bear” (as Boo Boo used to say to Yogi) immediately solved the problem. He pulled another bottle of c-through out the fridge, popped the cork and left it on the counter to warm up. Papa Bear had a backup bottle of “Chateau Big Bastard Cult Shiraz.” just in case the first was corked and he opened that one too and placed the frozen wine sleeve on it to cool.

Mama and Papa Bear held a short parental conference and decided that in fact Baby bear was to young to be drinking wine, even if its FRS, so they grabbed the FRS from the freezer and opened it carefully, making sure they kept the bottle on a forty five degree angle to stop it exploding.

They placed an additional freezer sleeve on the FRS and happily consumed it whilst waiting for the other two wines to come to temperature. Baby bear was given a two liter honey milk shake so they all lived happily ever after except for Goldilocks who had a massive hangover the next day. And that’s how it really happened. None of this fairy tale nonsense!

The moral of the story is if you want to drink your wine at the right temperature, don’t be afraid to leave the c-through out for a short period, use freezer sleeves to cool down reds on hot days - they really work and don’t serve Sparkling Shiraz when its to cold, it kills the taste.

Cheers