Pie Laws

Bloody Meat Poi's 15 Aug 05

Whilst I was typing Chapter Five of the May 2005 SA Tour Diary, I received am email from David Cross; it seems he is a bloody pie con-o-sewer too! Being a serious sort of bloke, his sense of humour is dry and precise so the resulting comments are no surprise.

"Over a number of years I have developed Crosses Law of Pie Shops^TM. This has proved to be as fundamental as Newton’s Laws of Motion. The Law has four parts. The initial part of the Law was developed first and has been added to over time so it is now complete." (Torb’s note: - wann’a bet David? I am willing to wager that the two Pie reprobates, as well as other pie loving readers, will come up with a whole lot more Pie Shop laws to add to these four.)

The Original Law reads -

Whenever you go into a pie shop to purchase a pie -

a. They will not have whatever pie you ask for.

b. If two people go into a pie shop together and ask for the same pie they will only have one of them.

c. They will have the pie you ask for but it will not be hot.

d. They will have the pie you ask for, it will not be hot but they will sell it to you anyway.

Usually at least one of the sections of the law will apply. I was with Pam and two other friends at a pie shop in Hahndorf recently and each section of the law applied.

Time has now proved me correct and to makers worse, the additional law has come from Stuart Barton, a friend of David's and not from the Pie King or his Apprentice; perhaps the Pie King feels such mundane matters as "Pie Laws" are beneath his Pieship's dignity. In an email to me Stuart said, "As a long time friend (30 – 35 years) of David Cross, or the Eccentric One as he now calls himself after your latest review; this email follows a discussion David and I had last night. There is a new law of pie shops and after extensive negotiation with Crossie last night (that would rival the difficulty that the PM faces in negotiating the full sale of Telstra,) he agreed this new law is valid and slots in at number (c), moving the last 2 laws down 1 place. This is the revised laws, as agreed with the Eccentric One:

The Amended Law (Aug 2005) reads

Whenever you go into a pie shop to purchase a pie -

a. They will not have whatever pie you ask for.

b. If two people go into a pie shop together and ask for the same pie they will only have one of them.

c. Alternative to the above, the person served before you will get the pie you ask for.

d. They will have the pie you ask for but it will not be hot.

e. They will have the pie you ask for, it will not be hot but they will sell it to you anyway.

Stuart then goes onto write, "As the hen pecked half of the two other friends at the Hahndorf pie shop, I feel eminently qualified to comment on Cross’ Pie Shop Laws; they were developed during well lubricated discussion after a visit to the Adelaide Hills, McLaren Vale, Barossa, Langhorne Creek or Clare. Every visit we have made to one of these areas with David and/or Pam has resulted in at least one of the laws being invoked, the jackpot being all four laws at the Hahndorf pie shop. We thought it was just a South Australian thing, but the new law was developed following a visit to a pie shop by She Who Must Be Obeyed in Sutherland NSW last Thursday.

PS I didn’t get a drive of the MG either, and I bribed him with a drive of my new car. And we were there for 9 days. And we drove there all the way from Sydney specifically to drive the thing!"

Test the law yourself. If you have any additions to this law, please e-mail me and I will pass them along to David and the other members of the Pie Parliament for debate.