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Sydney Time
Copyright
© Ric Einstein 2008
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What Should be The Real Oz immigration Test
(13 March)
Thanks to Andrew Macintye for the contribution. Passing this test should
be mandatory before any can operate a takeaway food shop in Oz.
1. Do you understand the meaning, but are unable to explain the origin of the
term 'died in the arse'?
2. What is a "bloody liddle beaudy"?
3. Are these terms related: chuck a sickie; chuck a spaz; chuck a Uey?
4. Explain the following passage: 'In the arvo last Chrissy the relos rocked up
for a barbie, some bevvies and a few snags. After a bit of a Bex and a lie down
we opened the pressies, scoffed all the chockies, bickies and lollies. Then we
drained a few tinnies and Mum did her block after Dad and Steve had a barney and
a bit of biffo.'
5. Macca, Chooka and Wanger are driving to Surfers in their Torana. If they are
travelling at 100 km/h while listening to Barnsey, Farnsey and Acca Dacca, how
many slabs will each person on average consume between flashing a brown eye and
having a slash?
6. Complete the following sentences
'If the van's rockin' don't bother __________
You're going home in the back of a __________
Fair crack of the __________
7. I've had a gutful and I can't be fagged. Discuss.
8. Have you ever been on the giving or receiving end of a wedgie?
9. Do you have a friend or relative who has a car in their front yard 'up on
blocks'? Is his name Bruce and does he have a wife called Cheryl?
10. Does your family regularly eat a dish involving mincemeat, cabbage, curry
powder and a packet of chicken noodle soup called either chow mein, chop suey or
kai see ming?
11. What are the ingredients in a rissole?
12. Demonstrate the correct procedure for eating a Tim Tam.
13. Do you have an Aunty Irene who smokes 30 cigarettes a day and sounds like a
bloke?
14. In any two-hour period have you ever eaten three-bean salad, a chop and two
serves of pav washed down with someone else's beer that has been flogged from a
bath full of ice?
15. When you go to a bring-your-own-meat barbie can you eat other people's meat
or are you only allowed to eat your own?
16. What purple root vegetable beginning with the letter 'b' is required by law
to be included in a hamburger with the lot?
17. Do you own or have you ever owned a lawn mower, a pair of thongs, an Esky or
Ugg boots?
18. Is it possible to 'prang a car' while doing 'circle work'?
19. Who would you like to crack on to?
20. Who is the most Australian: Kevin 'Bloody' Wilson, 'True Blue' Williamson,
Kylie or Warnie?
21. Is there someone you are only mates with because they own a trailer or have
a pool?
22. What does "sinkin piss at a mates joint and getten para" mean?
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